Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It's Not About Feeding The World, It's About Beating My Sister

We have a little family Christmas tradition.

And by "we" I mean just me and my sister. Nobody else has ever been invited to participate. And truthfully if somebody else wanted to join we'd laugh in their face.

It's a contest: Whoever is the first to hear the best Christmas song EVER, Band Aid's Feed the World, Wins. That's it.

1. Has to play randomly, like on the radio, satellite or in a store - Proactively obtaining it on YouTube doesn't count.
2. Has to be accompanied by a cell phone call where the other person can HEAR it.
3. Winner gets bragging rights for a year.

Lame? Totally.

But we're children of the '80. In the days prior to the internet, hearing an iconic Christmas song the way it was intended (only at Christmas) was a huge treat. When it would come on the radio each year we'd freak out...for years...and years. Somewhere along the line it became a contest. I don't even remember when.

Satellite radio really screwed up my winning streak. Not to mention that I work from home and spend all of 10 minutes a day in the car. Melissa has been the reigning winner for at least the last 3 years.

So the point of this post: GAME ON LISS! I'm throwing down the gauntlet. I'm not listening to satellite radio until I win. 2011 is the year of Ali.

For the completely clueless who don't know what I'm talking about I've attached it below. You should watch for the following reasons:

1. It's about feeding starving kids in Africa this is not a real reason to watch it, but I felt like I had to say this...
2. John Taylor - my Duran Duran boyfriend and hottest guy ever to walk the earth playing bass very giddily.
3. Sting at his absolute sexiest. No arguments. This was his sexiest.
4. Bono sporting a mullet.
5. You'll probably never hear Paul Young sing again.
6. Boy George sings a mean "ooohh."
7. Random members of Kool & The Gang standing out like sore thumbs among all the Brits.
8. Bananarama!!! Bananarama! Bananarama!

If you want to know who wins I'll post this year's winner on the Blog's Facebook page.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "He Learned It From a Book" Edition

My son is 8. I have no idea where he learns things. Case in point:

Chip (yes from Beauty & the Beast)

A dark gray stress ball 


Me: "How do you know what an afro is Ryan?"

Ryan: "It was in one of my books." Last time I checked Hair wasn't his reading level.

Me: "Which book had that in it???"

Ryan: "Ook and Gluk. Kung-Fu Cavemen from the Future"

Me: "OK, I can see that."


And another Ryan ditty from this week:

Me: "Ryan, I think you LIKE Julia."
Ryan: "No. Actually, I chase her around on the playground making faces at her. That's how much I DON'T like her."

Thanks for proving my point kid. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Guess Who Got an Award. ME!

Guess who got an award. ME!

I happened across another person's blog recently (darned if I remember how), but I decided to follow her probably because the name is so cute.

So what happens? Last week she commented on MY blog and told me she gave me an award on hers. SOOOOO. I got a Liebster Blog Award from sweet Stacy from Cardigans & CrayonsThat link means go visit her kids. Recently she talked about being thankful for yoga pants. So this is a woman with her priorities straight! (My kinda gal).

What is a Liebster Award you might ask? "Liebster" is the German word for "beloved" or "dearest"...or "favorite." How about that! It's an award for bloggers with 200 or less followers to encourage others to follow them. Might I point out that I still have less than 200 followers. What's up with that? Shameless plug for more followers. 

I think it's only appropriate that I got an award with a German name since I was saddled with a German maiden name for 24 years and 49 weeks of life. You know, the name that rhymes with Vinegar and allowed some very creative people to call me "Whiny Girl." It also starts with one of the last letters of the alphabet (this becomes important later in the post).

Now I get to give it away to 5 other bloggers who have followings under 200. Crap.

I read so many blogs that I love (but not as often as I should).

So I used the very scientific method of awarding the blogs of some people I talk to a bunch on Twitter. Here goes (in reverse alphabetical order so I don't hurt feelings. Why reverse? Because I was saddled with a German name that begins with a W. Payback.)

Rusti of My Life as an Officer's Wife. - She's all knocked up and it was half my fault that it was announced to all of our Twitter friends. I repeat. Only half my fault.

Roxanne of Unintentionally Brilliant.- Just because I like her and she has aspirations of being a "real" writer and we have to give her credit for that.

Leighann, The Multitasking Mumma. - Simply because she understands and appreciates my warped sense of humor. That's all.

Kristi, the Robot Mommy.- Because she's a newer blogger too and is way more "all over it" than I am. She does fun stuff and everything!

Jennifer of Midwest Momments. She writes beautiful posts AND has started her own business which I admire.

Honorable Mention (because she's not on Twitter, but SHOULD BE BECAUSE SHE'S HILARIOUS)
Marianne of We Band of Mothers.

OK Ladies - give away the award if you want to. If not, no pressure since we're all super-busy mom bloggers around here!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "If You Look Up Gullible in the Dictionary" Edition

Note: Before you read this post, if you are new here and don't know my sense of humor or are easily offended, stop reading. I don't need any hate mail. If you do read...go to the end. 

All of these facts are related:
  1. I work full-time from home. A 40-hour job for a real big company. 
  2. My daughter has a cough. 
  3. There is a small blue kids' chair in my family room. 
  4. I used duct tape to fix something.
  5. My husband is clueless. 
  6. I am a smartass. 
I kept Natalie home sick last Thursday, she was coughing really badly the night before. Of course she was perfectly fine the second I decided to keep her home. 

So I went about my business in my home office doing the work I'd be doing anyway knowing fully that she wasn't going to interrupt me since I threatened her life if she knocked on my door. She's 5 after all and can understand that I need her to be good. I checked on her several dozen times. 

She didn't even come in once. She pulled a little blue chair from the playroom out to the family room and watched TV all day, colored a bit, played with matches and sharp knives...the usual. We don't need to talk about how she went into my bathroom and relocated all of my makeup to the Barbie vanity in her room, painted her own nails and spayed so much cheap perfume that my upstairs smelled like a Texas whorehouse.

At one point in the same day, I used some duct tape from the garage to cover a piece of metal jutting out from the side of my desk. It's an accident waiting to happen. I've tried to fix it with masking tape, but Justin keeps ripping it off, so I pulled out the big guns. My husband is aware of this issue. We've talked more than once about the masking tape. He might not have listened very well. Yes that is important to the story. 

When JakeRyan came home from work he saw the roll of duct tape on the counter and asked what it was for. Common sense would tell him that it was to fix the metal on the desk. Let's just say where he lacks in logic, he makes up for it in boyish good looks.

Here's how this fine dialogue went: 

JakeRyan: "Ali, why is the duct tape out?" Well if you ask a stupid question...you're going to get a bizarre made-up story to help you realize that you should already know the answer. 

Me (with a completely straight face): "I was making customer calls and Natalie wouldn't stop bothering me."  

And here's where I paused for him to laugh at my quick witted joke.

JakeRyan: "WHAT???"  

Oh my gosh, he totally believes I used the duct tape on Natalie. I'm going with this. 

Me: "And I told her like 100 times that I needed her to be quiet. She kept coming in my office, so I duct taped her to the chair."

JakeRyan (with a look of astonishment and a very serious tone): "Ali...you know you can't DO that."

Me: "What's wrong with that? Look at her! She's fine. I just taped her to the chair so she wouldn't come in while I was on the phone."

JakeRyan (very knowingly): "You can't just duct tape your kid to a chair Ali. You can't DO THAT! You're way too hard on her."

Wait. Way too hard on her? I think that's a little bit of an understatement if I'd really bound her to a piece of plastic furniture...

Me: "Do you seriously think I'd tape her to a chair?"

JakeRyan: "Well I don't know. You have been really hard on her lately."

WTF?!?! My husband thinks I'm capable of something this horrible. I'm very serious about my job and I like to "invent" ways to do things better, but a duct tape child restrainer isn't quite the kind of ingenious creation I want to be remembered for.

OK, yes I am harder on her than the boys. WHY? Because she gives me more crap than they do. Do I let her scream her head off when she's having a tantrum? Yes. Do I let her walk out the door without eating breakfast because I'm too tired to fight anymore? Yes.

But I'd never, EVER duct tape her to a chair. I'd use the masking tape and make sure Justin doesn't pull it off this time.

And before you leave me hate mail: I'M JUST KIDDING.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Is That A Sunburn?" Edition

Yesterday I posted a family photo of us from Halloween to the blog's Facebook page.

I know what you're thinking: "Geez, Ali's husband JakeRyan must have a really nasty sunburn."

No, he doesn't. He just looks like this in the majority of photographs taken of him. In person, he's peach, just like the rest of us. He wasn't doing hand stands right before the picture. He wasn't holding his breath (as far as I know). There was no Halloween marathon that would have resulted in Facial Redness.

But because this red face annoyed me for the entire day yesterday, I will now replace the photo with the following picture so everyone can think it's intentional and he and Ryan are just wearing cute matching costumes.


By the way, if you haven't yet "liked" said Facebook page, go over there on the left and LIKE IT!