Wednesday, July 27, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Project Runway" Edition

Somehow I ended up with a daughter. Not only a daughter, but a little diva that oozes girliness from every pore of her being. Unlike her mom. My mother had to wrestle me into dresses when I was a kid.

From the day she could walk, she has gotten her hands on every kind of accessory imaginable. And when she could finally dress herself, all bets were off.

On Saturday, we sent her upstairs to get dressed to go to BJ's. This is what she came down wearing. WTF?

Her father just rolled his eyes. I, on the other hand, had every intention of letting her wear this out shopping. Why not? Because to be honest, it was my husband's outfit of stained work clothes and yard boots with tube socks that was more appalling.

I love that she's an individual. What's it hurting by letting her dress like this every once in a while?

A few months ago she got all dolled up and went in to school wearing NO LESS than 10 different pieces of jewelry. She looked fantabulous.

As we walked in, some nasty little brat (her name is Savannah, do you know her?) said "Um, you're wearing too much jewelry!" I glared at her and her mother, grabbed my daughter's hand and said very loudly, "Natalie, there's NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH JEWELRY!"

So back to Saturday's outfit. It was editied by her father a bit before we left. She took off the skirt. But honestly, what else would I expect from the little fashionista who has created these lovely ensembles since the age of 2.

WORK IT GIRL!!!! "I have one thing to say. Sashay Shante!"


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Seacrest Sea World" Edition


On Monday, during one of my obsessive hourly check-ins at, I caught this photo of Ryan Seacrest kissing his girlfriend Julianne Hough. It was there, front and center on the home page. Evidently, she's filming in Miami, he's visiting, blah, blah, blah. 

I didn't know why, but it just bugged me. I saw it for the next few hours. Yesterday, I saw it on some other celebrity site...and then it hit me. I've seen almost this exact photo several times before.

But perhaps this one is my favorite. Seriously, the resemblance is uncanny!


P.S. I have a bit of a crush on Ryan Seacrest and I think Julianne Hough is the most beautiful woman on the planet, but in no way am I making this ugly post out of insane jealousy thinking of the very rich, very coordinated kids that will some day be dancing into the world. Not jealous at all. 

P.P.S. If you didn't catch my last post with my non-Seacrest/Hough offspring dancing, check it out. 

Sunday, July 17, 2011

It Rained So We Shook Our Groove Thangs

When our swimming got rained out because of lightning, we came in and did this. I survived. Just barely.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

How I Met the 3rd Most Important Guy in My Life

Today, I'm thrilled to be the guest poster on the blog of my friend Rach who writes at, Life With Baby Donut. She is also my Twitter Twin. She's a new mom (and I'm an old one). Rach is great!

She says she's being nosy, but I think she's on a quest to have the best blog ever. Either way, she has posed the question "So How'd You Meet?" It's been over 20 years, but I'll never forget. AND most people who know us don't even know this little tidbit. It's cheesey and 100% true. Click that pretty little picture below to read on...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Ancient Sorority Girl" Edition


This post might involve minor math skills, but bear with me. And there will be a lot of ALLCAPS because I'm completely blown away by my revaluation.

Yesterday I wrote a sorority recommendation for a girl who will be going through sorority rush at Auburn in the fall.

As I read her resume, I noticed her birthday August 30, 1993...1993??? This girl who is going to college NOW was born less than a month before I went to college.

And then it hit me. In the time since I pledged my sorority there was time to grow an entirely new sorority girl. One that will be a legal adult in 6 weeks. Holy crap, I feel OLD. Or I can put it like this. I went to college almost HALF A LIFETIME AGO!

So this week the W in "WTF" stands for WHERE. Where the F did 18 years go?

Yes, go ahead and find me. Feel free to laugh.

Side note: The nearly-adult I mentioned above is super-cute (which admittedly has always been, and will always be my #1 reason to pledge someone). She's involved. Her grades jussstttt made the grade cutoff. Luckily, someone took a chance on me and my 2.5 GPA and went to bat for me. Just sayin'... Sometimes great people are C students. They can graduate college and really, REALLY never have to use math again for the rest of their life.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I Totally Hear What You're Saying...No I Don't

In general, I have a rule against shoving something in my ear and lighting it on fire.

I just want you to know that fact before you read on. Let me paint the picture...

Two Fridays ago I was in the pool with the kids after dinner when one of them  (the one I don't like anymore) innocently VIOLENTLY splashed some water in my ear.

This was no ordinary splash of water. I said to my husband JakeRyan, "There is water in my ear, it's not coming out. I have to go in the house right this second." I jumped out of the pool. I sprinted in and got some of those swimmers-ear drops and plopped a few in. Nothing.

Rubbing alcohol. Didn't work. Ugggg. White vinegar. Another fail. Peroxide. I was completely freaking out. Everything I tried made it worse. Hairdryer and 39 different Q-tips. For heaven sake I tried earwax softening drops. This was an all new low for me. Admitting I was human and all.

By now I was in pain and although it SOUNDS humorous, I was freaking out because it was annoying the Begeezus out of me. I couldn't take it!!! My right ear was completely clogged.

I had visions of myself in sign language class. I was practically running around the house flailing my arms like the kid in Home Alone. Ahhhhh!

I toughed it out through a family function on Saturday and by 9:00 a.m. Sunday morning I was sitting in the waiting room of the walk in clinic listening to an old man sing Neil Diamond songs out loud. Which only half-matters because I could only half-hear him. It was "Love on the Rocks."

So the doctor walks in, takes a 5-second look into my ear and declares, "You have an ear infection."

***sigh*** Really Doc? Ya don't think that possibly my ear is all red and inflamed because I've been sticking irritants in it for 36 hours and jabbing it with Q-tips every hour on the hour. An ear infection? Not the alcohol and the jabbing? Really? 

So I left with a prescription for drops and instructions not to stick anything in it for 7 days. Screw you.

I resorted to tweeting about it. You know, because when the doctor fails you need to ask your twitter friends. Right Ladies?

And here's where it gets good. Monday I was griping so much at the office that someone suggested an ear candle. For those of you unfamiliar, an ear candle is a paraffin covered tube-shaped thing that you literally stick in your ear, light the top on fire and hope that it pulls ear wax and other junk out of your ear before you envelop your entire head into a burning inferno. Yes, very glamorous.

Now as completely ridiculous as this sounds, I was willing to try anything at this point. I watched several hilarious YouTube videos, one of which actually caused me to scream. I went to the Vitamin Shoppe and walked cluelessly through several aisles that look like this lovely photo. I finally asked where "the ear candles" were. Now surprisingly, they weren't in the "ear section" because, as I learned, the FDA doesn't actually allow these little beauties to be marketed as "ear candles" which is why they also have no INSTRUCTIONS. Well, that's reassuring! I picked lavender scented ones.

When JakeRyan got home I told him he had to help me. I was prepared with the candle and a paper plate with a hole punched in it to catch any flaming debris that could fall off and scar me for life. He was more disgusted by the thought of assisting with a flaming earwax candle than watching me give birth to his three children.

It didn't work and frankly, it wasn't nearly as gross as I was expecting.

So I spent the next 12 days half-deaf.

I was screaming at the kids because they were actually talking too quietly. "What? Talk into my good ear."

I was pretending I heard 100% of what sales people said. I told my boss that if I wasn't responding it was simply because I couldn't hear him...hmmm. But fortunately for me I was still able to hear my husband's snoring.

Finally, after my 10th attempt at some drops and another rendezvous with a bulb syringe, all was right in the world again. And now I can't get any peace and quiet.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Rockin' Baby Funkytown

Last month I "rocked the bump." Might as well "rock the baby." You know, since this baby WAS the bump.

Has everybody met Justin aka Baby Funky Town? He's our #3. He was a surprise. Yep. A big surprise.

We weren't planning on a third child, but we weren't exactly NOT planning either. He's been making all of our decisions for us since the day he came out full-term at a whopping 6 pounds 3 ounces.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Love Child" Edition

I've always thought that if Elton John and Lady Gaga had a love child, this is what she would look like.


Sunday, July 3, 2011