Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Five Elements of Horrible First Day of School Photos

Poor child #3. In a minute I might even remember his name. Oh yeah, it's Justin.

Today was his first day of Pre-K. In my own defense, it wasn't his real first day. He went to the same school last Friday. Same classroom. Same kids. He got a new teacher who he's seen on the playground every day for two years. So really it was no big whoop.

School started at 9:00 and at 8:50 we were still upstairs. "Justin, brush your teeth." Ali glances at the clock. Oh shit. We're late. "Never mind. You're going with stank breath. Way to impress Ms. Maureen on the first day..." With this, my child who HATES to brush his teeth insisted that today was the day he was turning over a new oral hygiene leaf. I agreed to let him meet me downstairs.

I yanked him out the door and shoved him in front of the traditional First Day of School Picture Tree and began snapping the worst photos in the history of rushed-non-real-first-day-of-Pre-K photos.

This one was particularly good. So I present to you the Top 5 Elements to Screw Up A First Day of School Picture.

1. Large 48-hour-old knot on the forehead. Friday night, six hours before his 4th birthday. Justin had a freak "Standing Accident." One minute he was standing there, the next minute he hit his head on the tile. Just like that. I wish I could come up with a better story. This picture doesn't do justice to its beautiful purple and green tones.

2. Eyes closed. It wasn't very sunny out. I swear he did it on purpose because half of the pictures from the morning are like this. It's like he closed them in exasperation from the 32 previous seconds of picture taking.

3. The grill. Do you call this a smile? What is it? Looks like he has a bad taste in his mouth and he doesn't want to shut it. So yes, he purposely jutted out his bottom jaw and bared his teeth. Luckily they were newly brushed. Probably the best brushing of his career.

4. Water spots from brushing his teeth. This shirt was actually the result of a wardrobe change. The brand new t-shirt he got for his birthday did not fit him to his pint-sized satisfaction, so I had to throw him in a hand-me-down golf shirt from his brother. In fact one of those water stains is a real stain.

5. Toothpaste. But of course. By the time I noticed we were already outside. Door locked, the whole bit. The toothpaste shirt would have to do. Plus, who am I fooling? We've been at the school for two years. The bar is already set low. What harm will a little toothpaste do at this point?

SO - Let me see your WORST First Day of School Pictures. Post them to the blog's Facebook page and I'll give a shout-out to the particularly awful ones. Won't this be fun?


  1. Oh Ali this is my life. I can never get decent pics of my kids, mainly because I'm always late too and they won't stand still to save their lives.

  2. At least he was rocking out, check his right hand.

  3. This is so great! Love it! Hope he had a great day.

  4. He just looks amazingly uncomfortable. I love it. Awkward pictures are the best, right? You can look forward to showing this to his future girlfriends.

    We have that same shirt!

  5. I don't know if I can top that one! It is truly epic!

    I'm going to look though!

  6. Well, you are always going to remember his first day aren't you?

  7. I say the best policy is honesty. Why trick the teacher into thinking you are something you aren't by sending your son to school with freshly laundered clothes? Be open right from the start, let em know what to expect.

  8. I say you keep this picture to include in the slideshow at his wedding.

  9. It will be a great pic to share with all his future girlfriends.

  10. These are what most of my kids' pictures look like. Memories to treasure forever.

  11. I was already dreading the first day photos but now...I'm rocking in a corner, sucking my thumb. Taking an "important" photos like birthdays, school, holidays is pure torture. I think they do this just to see how quickly they can drive us crazy.

  12. Classic. I'm too lazy to take first day of school pics, but can I post our horrible Class Picture day shots? If there was a contest for that, I'd so win.

    Also, we're supposed to brush their teeth BEFORE school?? Sh*t.