Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting and Screaming and Biting

On Saturday evening, I posted this cheery little ditty as my status on Facebook:
"Will someone please come pick up my kids? Please. Pick them up and take them far, far away. Just until bedtime. Bring ear plugs." 

One minute later, my friend with a newborn (her first, obviously) posted this: 
"Saturday night at home with my favorite girl. No place I would rather be! xoxo" 

Geez. What a rookie! All I could think to myself was that I'd love to see what she posts on this very night five years from now. No place she'd rather be? Bwaaahahaha! I can only think of a few places I'd like to be LESS than at home with these kids. Like Walmart when they have a sale on Crisco. Or a port-a-potty at a Dave Matthews concert (which I was 24 hours earlier). Or on a plane with a drunk man that invites me to his house in the Bahamas when I was 8 months pregnant. True story. 

Within a minute or two she got four "Likes." How sweet. All I got was a response from my friend Lisa offering me her three boys under the age of three. My response: "Lisa, I'll keep mine before I take yours. When the going gets rough I think 'at least I'm not Lisa.'"

So there I was griping on Facebook about how annoying my kids are while my friend, probably gazing longingly at her new daughter that very moment was over the moon with joy. Now I feel like worst mom on the planet.

It was interesting to see how one mom's Saturday night at home cursing the day she ever decided to procreate is another mom's best moment of her life. Whatever. 

In my own defense, dear Lord, I had a lonnnng day. JakeRyan fished in a tournament and I was alone with three very rowdy Suitcase Kids from the moment they woke up until JakeRyan got home exhausted at 7:00. Translation: no help. I don't know how stay-at-home moms do it. Worse yet, stay-at-home moms with more than 3 kids. Or any kids still in diapers. There was hitting, screaming, screeching, scratching, kicking and crying. Oh God the CRYING! And fighting, yelling and destroying stuff.

Before it was even lunchtime I had pulled out paint and let them be artists. Little fighting Monets who complained that the other one's paint was better than the others. Little Picassos that needed their water dumped every two seconds.

If they were within two feet of one another someone was being touched. If someone (and by "someone" I mean Natalie) was being touched, she made a sound like her brother poked her with a hot dagger dipped in hydrochoric acid. Yes, it was that pleasant. 


3:00 rolled around and we walked out to the driveway for a jaunt to the grocery store. NOTE: I used the words "jaunt" and "grocery store" in the same sentence. So yes, a cart full of kids at the store would be more fun than I was having at home. Unfortunately, when we got out to the minivan the car seats we'd removed the night before were still out and I can't put them in myself...so back in the house we went for more hitting, screaming, screeching, scratching, kicking and crying.


Lather, rinse, repeat until bed time. Just gotta make it to bed time. 

15 comments:

  1. Comments such as your friends "I love my life" comment make me click away. I always assume they are really trying to convince his or herself.

    Or maybe I'm just jaded. But truly, there is a strange FB phenomenon whereby people attempt to make their lives appear better than they are in reality.

    All this said, don't read my post today. I feel like it may just rub salt in your "stuck at home alone with kids" wound. And / or make me sound a bit of a hypocrite. ; )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too late. Already know what it's about and it's on my "come back later" list. Should I abort the mission?

      Delete
  2. Oh no about the carseats...I bet you were seriously pulling your hair out! Hey we all have our long days...hope you got some relief after the hubby came back!

    ReplyDelete
  3. ARG. I always feel like crap. I'm the only stay at home mom that posts the stuff on facebook that no one else does. Everyone else is posting about how the laundry is done, crockpot meal is cooking and the kids are napping. My posts are more along the lines of "how the hell am I going to survive the next 6 hours on my own because my kids are driving me up the wall, the house is a disaster and I forgot that we had to actually eat."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love!!!thus is why I hardly ever make facenook posts..cause it ain't pretty people

      Delete
  4. This summer is KILLING me! Killing me... school? When can it take them back?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Please God...no teacher's strike!

      Delete
  5. People who are always commenting about all the little miracles and beauty in life are boring. It's great that they feel that way, but gimme funny & flawed any day of the week. I've got a chair right here for you, Ali!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can only imagine... mine are a little older now but there is still screaming, crying and teasing going on. After a whole day by myself with them I want to tear my hair out too... I usually lock myself in my bathroom for an hour of quiet time once Little One is in bed. Of course, can't do that right now... as it is in shambles.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would have responded to your FB post, but I was also busy referreeing our own hitting, screaming, screeching, scratching, kicking and crying. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Saturday night I took the couch in the family room and proclaimed it was a kid free zone. I sent the girls into the great room with my husband and shut every door that I could so I couldn't hear them. Sometimes you just need the noise to stop! And if not the noise, the touching...oh dear lord the touching!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sounds like another day in my life and I have older kids! Oops.... sorry. I hope that you weren't thinking that it got better.... LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sometimes I think, "I might like a second child." Then I read something like this and think, "One and done!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good God, you know it's an emergency when i take all three kids to the store. I'll even fake toilet paper with baby wipes.

    Honestly, when my husband IS home helping me, it's almost harder. I mean I can rely on him to ump in when I'm completely done, but it's like having one more person around to clean up after is just too much. (And at least your kids ask you to change their water. Mine just dump it on the table or start dipping their hands in it like they used to do back in medieval times.)

    ReplyDelete
  12. God, I hate days like that! And re Facebook? People on Facebook often drive me nuts. You shouldn't feel guilty about the fact that the new baby love-a-thon has worn off for you. Hers will too.

    ReplyDelete