Thursday, June 28, 2012

I Scream, You Scream. We All Scream When Mom Makes Us Eat Zucchini

Last Monday, on my husband JakeRyan's birthday (that is important) I posted a question to this blog's Facebook page:

3 kids served zucchini. 3 kids told that if they eat it we can go for ice cream. 1 kid ate zucchini. Solve the argument: Am I allowed to just take the zucchini eater and leave the others home?

Let me put this in perspective (because I'm obviously a zucchini expert as I proved here). I cut the zucchini in slices and cut those in half. I gave each child three measly pieces of vegetable. So I'm talkin' 1 1/2 whole rings of zucchini. Is that a lot to ask? Let me answer that: NO!

My intelligent child finally shoved all three pieces in his mouth at one time, chewed them up and swallowed them as if I had fed him excrement. Hey, I didn't say anyone had to like them. Just eat them.

And at the opposite side of the table, my two dumb children pitched a fit and cried after they were given numerous opportunities to suck it up and eat the damn zucchini, thus ruining their father's birthday dinner.

Then, just like Claire Huxtable my parenting role model would do, I took my plight to Facebook.

I got 30 replies which is no surprise because my blog readers obviously feel bad for me because I'm completely inept when it comes to raising my children. To paraphrase, most of them said "Heck yeah, Ali. You're such a wise mother. You should totally take your good child to get ice cream while those ungrateful little heathens sit at home dying of starvation." Paraphrasing. But yes, most people said it's a good lesson. My favorite reply was this one:

Brilliance - plain and simple. That "Like"? Totally from me. 

There was a great deal of ceremony in preparing Ryan for the trip. "OK, Ryan. Since you were the ONLY kid to eat his zucchini, YOU are going to get yummy, yummy ice cream." An uproar of epic proportions ensued. Two children turned red and there might have been a flying fork. 

But he likes to do because he's a monster...JakeRyan reminded me that it was in fact HIS birthday and he wasn't going to be left at home with crying children on his birthday. Shit. Natalie shoved her zucchini in her mouth and got in the minivan. Notice I didn't say she actually chewed it. I'm sure she spit it out when we got in the parking lot. And here's the iPhone evidence of how the night went. 

I hate birthdays. 


  1. Stupid Birthdays.... it was a perfect plan expect for that fact.

  2. Are you planning to have more children?????????????????????

  3. You're a better wife than I. I would have left my husband with the rebels and gone shoe-shopping after ice cream.

  4. I totally would have liked that comment, too. I'd have brought all 3 but only let the one kid eat the ice cream while the other 2 watched. And I'd really really enjoy my own ice cream in front of the 2 non-zucchini eaters.

  5. I actually tried to click on the like button in this post. Duh!! It is like double tapping a picture on FB thinking it will like it like it does on Instagram.
    That colorful ice cream...yum!

  6. ha! Love the comment from facebook! Totally something I would do, especially drinking the margarita next door!

  7. I love the pic of her with all that zucchini in her mouth. Even on his birthday, my husband would have stayed home while I enjoyed the margarita/ice cream.

  8. I'm learning to be an exceptional parent through you.

  9. I wouldn't have let them have it. But I only have one and we end up changing plans in which case we (mom and dad) end up w/o ice cream because she is being a brat. Damn it. Always foiled!

  10. What is wrong with zucchini??? It's not like you poisoned it or something!

    I would have brought them all and made the other two sit and watch! LOL... leave it to kids to ruin a birthday or any day really. LOL!