Last night I found myself in a kindergarten classroom with Natalie who wasn't actually my daughter, but my much-younger and prettier sister. Ryan was over in his classroom and he was my brother. There was some kind of mix-up (much like my recurring dream) and although I was new to the class and having a Billy Madison moment I was surprised to learn that I was eligible to be Prom Queen right as the kids were voting. Yes, kindergartners were voting for Prom Queen. This is my dream and I make the rules.
I explained to Natalie how I had been in the running last year (evidently this was now 1994) and one of my best friends won instead, so it was really, REALLY OK and I was so happy for her. I was just honored to be considered again now. This was my chance! Full Disclosure: I was also not the winner of Homecoming Queen...I was really, REALLY NOT so keen on who won that one at all.
As they counted the votes, (yes, impromptu counting right there in the classroom) I realized that I was losing again. The current leader for Prom Queen was Bruce Jenner as a write-in vote thanks to one big Jenner fan in her class who convinced the rest of the kids to follow suit, including Natalie. In this dream old people and men can be Prom Queen. I wonder if the Jenner involvement comes from my deep-rooted disdain for all things Kardashian.
Natalie voted for Bruce Jenner instead of her own "sister." I knew that my only hope was if my good sibling Ryan was rallying his class for me. Then I woke up. Thank God because it would have been mortifying to lose to Bruce.
Here's a picture of my husband JakeRyan and me from one of our Junior Proms (we went to different schools).
We didn't go to our Senior Proms together, so he wasn't my date when I was a Prom Queen loser. He had dumped me a few months before prom and despite my stalking, psycho drive-bys and 15 phone calls a night, he didn't want to get back together. Shocking.
I did have a date to prom. A very, VERY sweet guy who I ditched early in the evening so I could spend the night in the ladies room in a purple off-the-shoulder mermaid dress crying my eyes out because my true love JakeRyan was at his own prom across town with some trollop. And I stand by my "trollop" assessment of this girl nearly 20 years later. Me no likey.
I did emerge from the bathroom at the coaxing of my friends because they were announcing the Prom Court. For the walk out on the dance floor, I was paired with the kid who sat in front of me in Marine Biology class that repeatedly stuck his bare butt through the triangle in the back of the school chair just to bother me and my friend, our future Prom Queen. Visualize this. I'm sure he's a nice person now. He's got 4 kids.
To this day, one of the biggest regrets of my life was the way I treated my poor prom date. I think about it all the time and I'm disgusted by my behavior. I'm glad as I got older I developed better coping skills.
JakeRyan was Prom King at his prom. Salt in the wound.
Linking up with Liz for I Was A Senior Hottie (or in my case, a Nottie).