Monday, February 27, 2012

What WE Did While YOU Were at Blissdom

As far as I can tell, half of the blogging world was in Nashville last weekend at the blogging conference, Blissdom. Oh the giddiness, the Tweets, the Instagram photos of you in your sparkly dresses. It was all around lovely. Yet, some of us stayed home for various reasons. We may or may not have loved looking at pictures of what you ate while simultaneously reading tweets asking "where are you girl?" or "we're waiting on you by the elevator." Detecting jealousy? Perhaps...

Once again feeling left out like I did last summer when everyone was at BlogHer, a little group of my cohorts got together to let all the rest of you in on what WE were doing while you were all getting your Bliss on.

So without further ado: What WE Did While YOU Were at Blissdom:

I've said several times before that I'm a glass-half-empty kind of girl. So while everyone was in Nashville finding happiness, meeting the Lorax and taking pictures of Joe Jonas (shameful) I was here planning for the end of the world. Anybody ever seen Doomsday Preppers on the National Geographic channel? No? You've missed this little anxiety-inducing gem?  It's a bunch of unstable hillbillies (just my humble opinion) stockpiling food and collecting amo for when the proverbial shiznit hits the fan and people come to their house to steal all their canned goods. I happen to know this because JakeRyan can't turn it off while I'm trying to sleep. So since I had a little time on my hands I decided why not get our family pantry ready too. Being that I'm not a "planner" I decided that I'd be OK as long as I have ice cream, tampons, Mike Wazowski and obviously two very large containers of mayo. By the way, I'm actually IN this picture. Not sure if you can see me. I'm disguised. 





Kristin from What She Said spent the weekend cleaning out her junk room, where she came across a "goodie bag" from her bachelorette party... six years ago. Sadly, she will no longer be able to use steamy coupons entitling her to such indulgences as spending a day in the nude and jetting off to a tropical paradise now that she has a toddler running around. Also, she's wondering if anyone would like a copy of the book "Tickle His Pickle?" This doesn't seem like the type of thing you give to Goodwill. 





Oh and poor, poor Lindsay. She should change the name of her blog from With A Little Love and Luck to "With A Little Fiber and Air Freshener." She's been having some...we'll just call them "bathroom issues" and her doctor put her on a regimen of about 10 different things to fix it. As she puts it: "Apparantly I am literally full of shit. I may or may not have spent portions of the weekend doing the attached. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?" 






Moving on. Don't let his cuteness deceive you. Elena's kid is a little slave driving perfectionist. When she's not blogging at Mommy is in Timeout  or teaching school,  she's taking orders from this one and his brother. On the docket this weekend: cleaning grout with a toothbrush with a preschooler pointing out every spot she missed. I like your mask Elena. Safety first! Also nice: How you have a mask and your son is breathing in the toxic Comet fumes. Good one! 







Toothbrushes are just not safe around here. Jen from the blog Buried With Children sent me this note when I asked her if she wanted to join in our little post. "Someday, I would really like to go to Blissdom, but I if I do go then I wouldn't be home where I can totally throw caution to the wind and clean the toilet...with my husband's tooth brush." Look at that evil grin! Oh Jen. I expect so much more from you. In related news, Jen's husband is 
looking for a new dentist. 



And then there's Galit of These Little Waves, possibly one of the happiest bloggers in the world. It's a shame she didn't go to Blissdom. They'd have given her her own session entitled "How to be Galit-y." Yes. It's an adjective. She says: "Jason and I went out on a date to a fancy-shmancy restaurant to celebrate our birthdays. This was our dessert - totally delish and totally sporting a HUGE knife in the middle. Make of that what you will."

Well Galit, I'm guessing your waitress just went through a breakup and the lovey dovey birthday dinner put her over the edge. The knife in the cake should be the least of your concerns. She also spit in your dinner. Happy Birthday, Love Ali!




And finally, Rusti from the blog My Life As An Officer's Wife got hit with a snow storm. No sparkly maternity dress for her. Instead of shaking her very pregnant groove thang at Blissdom she got stuck shoveling snow while her husband was on duty. The glitch: the shovel was nowhere to be found so being the resourceful gal she is, she found a spatula and had at it! "I'll tell you one thing," she said. "Those Pampered Chef utensils are totally multipurpose!"


So let's get to the important question: Who's staying home from BlogHer this year? 


Rach? Did you get your plumbing issues worked out? 

42 comments:

  1. We totally had so much more fun! ;)

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  2. This is awesome! You girls definitely had more fun!

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  3. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Hey Ali - have you been listening to Brad Paisley lately?? ;) oh, and I'm mega jealous that I didn't think to clean our toilet with Hubs' toothbrush before he left for Phoenix this morning... guess it will have to wait until he returns!

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  4. PS - hey Kristin?? if you find someone who can use that stuff, pass their info my way - I recently saw all mine (including a candy bra and panties, and edible underwear) in a box in my basement... I'm certainly not going to be using them with a three-year-old running around and another kid on the way! I'll even cover shipping costs! ;)

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    1. Might want to try Jen from Jen Has a Pen - she informed me that she was a "Tickle His Pickle" kind of girl. Not sure I want to know what that means...

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  5. Oh Lindsay, you poor thing!! I'm sending prunes asap.

    Ali, I'm glad you've stockpiled on goldfish too as that is definitely an end of the world essential.

    The plumbing is being fixed. Thanks to you flushing things down my toilet I always have to stay home & miss the conferences b/c we have a last minute emergency. I do think you're trying to sabotage me.

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  6. I have to admire a girl who sees no shame in posting a picture of herself bare-assed and sitting on the toilet on the Internet. Color me impressed.

    And speaking of no shame, I love that you went out in public dressed like that, Ali. Then again, you DO live in south Florida. ;)

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    1. I had a lot of time to think of the most embarrassing I could post and still keep PG.

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  7. I. Am. DYING. Like literally can barely type. I know people say that a lot, but for real - I'm laughing the no sound kinda laugh. You and your big jars of mayo. The pickle tickle. Toothbrushes. But GOOD GOD, the poor shitter for Lindsay?! DYING!

    p.s. I won't be at blogher.

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  8. Seriously, you are so good at writing these captions. Thank you for putting it all together once again, Ali! Your doomsday prep is genius. You totally need all that mayo. And of course another parenting gaff from me - masking myself and not my child. Kissing Mother of the Year 2012 goodbye as we speak.

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  9. Fair warning:

    Come Doomsday, I'm heading to your house. You know.
    For the Mike Wazowski.

    Obviously.

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  10. I am impressed at someone who will post a photo of themselves bare assed on the toilet! Nicely done!

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  11. Haha. Hey, I was home too! And I'll be home during BlogHer. Woohoo!

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  12. This entire thing is hilarious. And I too noticed that everyone on twitter seemed to be at Blissdom. If only they had known what fun they'd miss. My weekend (not at Blissdom) included 4 extra kids at my house for a sleepover, one kid's gymnastics class, a homemade breakfast for everyone because that's what all the good moms do at sleepovers, and chauffeuring to two birthday parties. Fun, right?

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  13. This is hysterical! My kids would say I spent my weekend ruining their lives....

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  14. The only reason I'm jealous of people who are going to blogging conferences, is because they get away from their kids AND get to meet each other.

    My non-Blissdom weekend consisted of getting my tax refund and taking my kid out to celebrate at In N Out. We really know how to party it up here.

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  15. During the wonderfulness that was Blissdom, I was at home...reading tweets...thinking "suck it". Not that I didn't want them to have a blast which I did but unless some miracle happens soon, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

    Thanks, ladies, for sharing what you did! Now I don't feel so alone.

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  16. Oh my good lord.... hilarious! I don't even have the words! Great job, ladies!

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  17. You guys are hilarious...and yes I've seen that show. Seriously you can't stop watching...it's addicting!

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  19. Hilarious. Cheeky (in ALL kinds of ways!. Ingenious. One of the best yet. Now apparently there are LOTS more blogs out there I should be reading instead of working! Felicia

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  20. We spent the weekend cought and sneezing while reading books at my house.

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  21. You are all so hilarious! I love Elena's safety first and that she had no mask on her kid.

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  22. That was a riot! Thanks for pointing out you were actually in the photo. I couldn't figure out how the ice cream and tampons were floating through the store. As you saw on Twitter, I got to hang with my baby while she turned 8 and it was AWESOME!! Although, she saw the picture of the Lorax too and was a little jealous that Shell got to get her picture taken with him ;-)

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  23. Of course you don't donate "Tickle His Pickle" to Goodwill.

    That's what you donate to your church library.

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  24. Too funny! Each and everyone of you are hilarious. No Blissdom for me and probably no conference this year at all. Boo! On a brighter note, I may be South Florida during BlogHer so maybe we can go survivor shopping together ;)

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  25. This. Is. GENIUS!

    And how can Rusti be on the ground like that bein' all preggo and stuff? Y'all people with your ability to do stuff when you're pregnant totally blow my mind!

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    1. getting DOWN was no biggie... it was getting back UP that was the problem ;)

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  26. Lovely recap - thanks for doing that great, fun idea! (I'm staying home from Blogher - you know, in case you want me to help entertain with that one). :)

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  27. LOL...you crack me up. I spent the weekend in bed with a nasty head cold thanks to my 3 year-old. :)

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  28. Well done, my friend! Well done, indeed! :)

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  29. You, yes you - have got to get your ass to a conference. See I even used the word *ss without an asterisk that is how much I mean this ;)

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  30. Love this post! Makes me feel not so loser-ish for never being able to attend all these fancy schmany blogger conferences. Thanks for making me laugh too, ladies!

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  31. Omg I almost died when I saw the toilet pic!!
    And Rusti in the snow!? Get up girl!! Yet gonna freeze that bebe. Jk

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    1. LOL - eh, this kid better be tougher than that!! ;)

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    2. Apparently I like you people a lot.

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  32. Oh. My. GAWD! I love this post so much I want to have its illegitimate love child. I was home too...priming my bathroom walls (not a euphemism).

    That pic of you in camo in your stockpile room? Priceless! You are totally ready for the zombie apocalypse. And I'm ashamed to admit I don't know who Lindsay is, but I'm about to become her uninvited new best friend because anyone funny enough and brave enough to submit that picture is someone I HAVE GOT TO KNOW! Love her already.

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