Wednesday, January 25, 2012

WTF Wednesday - The "Sex Is A New Word" Edition

I was very content to NOT do a WTF Wednesday post until last night at the dinner table when I was leveled with this little gem as my children ate their Brinner (breakfast for dinner).

Leave parenting advice in the comments section please. I need it desperately. But you already know this and have been holding back. 

Ryan: "Mom. You're not going to belieeeeve this and you're going to think it's totally odd. We were looking at a 1980's dictionary and it actually had the word SEX in it." Verbatim.


WTF?!?!?!? Please say he didn't just say what I think he said. Must be a word that rhymes with 'sex'. Oh crap, not many words rhyme with 'sex.' Hex is the only one. Nex? Wex? Plex? MAYDAY MAYDAY!


Me: "OK, hold on. Now whaaaat happened???"

Ryan: "Joe* and I were in class and he was looking up a word in the dictionary and I just saw it. (*names have been changed to protect the child whose mother may be receiving a warning call from me later this morning)

Me: "Reeeally?" I said very suspiciously. "What word was Joe looking up then?"

Ryan: Dead silence..."I have no idea."

Me: "So you're telling me that of the tens of thousands of words in the dictionary, you just 'saw' that one?"

Ryan: "Yes."

Then I got to thinking...Why did he point out that it was a "1980's" dictionary? How did he even know it was a 1980's dictionary? Did the feathered hair and legwarmers give it away?


And since I'm never one to just let dead dogs lie...because I'm the stoopidest mom in the world...

Me: "So why do you think that it's ODD that this word was in a 1980's dictionary?"

Ryan: "Because it's a new word. I've never heard you say that word EVER! So it has to be new."

The fact that I don't in fact say this word often is one that my husband will readily attest to.

I dropped it. I didn't need to be getting myself in over my head at this moment. I had three kids to which I still had to force-feed scrambled eggs.

So, my predicament: What do I do here? My fear is that now that he's aware of the WORD "sex" he's going to want to know about it. Should I prepare a few speaking points? Read a book?

Most importantly, do I call Joe's Mama and give her a heads-up? (get it? Joe's Mama? I crack myself up). My husband made an unprecedented good point: We don't want her to think that Ryan taught it to her kid so let's head this off at the pass.

It didn't even occur to me until later that he probably read the definition. I just looked it up on Dictionary.com. It's pretty boring until you get to the 4th definition which is "coitus."

I totally forgot how awesome the word "coitus" is. Nobody will EVER hear the word "sex" come out of my mouth again because from now on the unspeakable act will now be referred to as "coitus." I'm calling my husband now to let him know.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO - Leave comments!

WTF?!?!? Coitus, coitus, coitus, coitus.


31 comments:

  1. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this all goes back to the gator hunting somehow, I swear it.

    At least he asked you about it. I just looked up "dirty" words & told them to my friends.

    Seriously though, answer questions if he asks them as simply as possible. Have a few glasses of something, anything strong.

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  2. I agree with Dana. Don't avoid it if he asks questions. Also, strong drink before and after is probably an excellent idea!

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  3. As a mom of two boys older than Ryan, I would suggest that if he has an Ipod Touch, you be sure to go into settings and lock the Safari~there are things much worse than a dictionary that they can access via the internet w/o parental controls available there! Good luck.

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    1. Oh gosh! He does. It's in my purse. I'm doing it now. THANKS LEIGH!

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  4. Well, firstly, I love that he doesn't think that YOU know anything about it bwahahaha!
    and then, did you see the online deets regarding SheStreams and SheCon?

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  5. Ack! I was just going to blog about this today! I don't know how old Ryan is but my daughter is FIVE...FIVE, Ali! And she straight up asked me what sex is a few weeks ago. I got away with some kind of like "it's a special way grownups show love for each other and it's private and ONLY FOR GROWNUPS" but yesterday she was really specific and would not be deterred. "Mom. I need to know what grownups DO when they do sex. What IS it? What do they DO?"

    So...I...told her.

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    1. NOOOOOO! I would have told her "gender" and walked away. Ryan is 8 so I know that I'm not going to live in this little fantasy world for long. Hold me.

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    2. Eeeek. He's 8?? And my 5yo knows the facts of life?? I don't even let this child play with Bratz dolls, how did this happen to me?! MY daughter is now that "chucklehead" who will be explaining all the ins and outs (SERIOUSLY!) of sex to the kids on the playground and other moms will be calling ME.

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  6. When my oldest child (who is now a brilliant 16 yr old) asked me this at age 7, I was quick enough on my feet to reply "Sex is just another way of saying if you are a boy or a girl - it's also called GENDER. Your sex is female which is a big word for girl". THANK GOD she dropped it! NOW, PITA boy child came home at age 8 proudly and accurately proclaiming what sex was thanks to some chucklehead in his class. You can't win!

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  7. lol Relax, relax. He's what... judging by the picture, I'm guessing around 7? Did he ASK you about it... or just sharing that the word was there? I found that, at this age, they are just sort of testing the waters, seeing what they can get away with talking about. At least that's the way it was with my girls. I remember once that I launched into this detailed explanation of sex, and it turned out all they wanted to know was... gosh, I can't even remember what it was now, but it definitely wasn't the physical mechanics that I explained! lol

    I wouldn't bother calling the other mom, unless you're already good friends. Looking a word up in the dictionary isn't the end of the world... I wouldn't stress over it.

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  8. All little kids look stuff up in the dictionary. I remember doing that. I wouldn't freak out about it (although my kids are still really little so I'm a long way from this problem.)
    I definitely wouldn't call the other mom. If she calls you accusing, deal with it then.

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  9. We recently told our 8 yo son the whole shebang. It came up and we addressed it (with a lovely book I've been hiding for years). I was not ready. My husband was not ready, but BAM!

    I'm not suggesting that is your solution, I'm just saying you never know when these things are going to arise!! No pun intended.

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  10. My boy is still too young but I do not look forward to these types of conversations!

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  11. My nine yr old told me today he knew all about vaginas. Yikes.

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  12. I have girls, so it was a bit easier but I had to have the talk. Some of the girls in 5th grade on their bus were talking about so & so getting their period. My girls did not even know I ever got a period. I basically just went with it and then used it all as a hygiene thing...how you like that twist?! They forgot most of the stuff and went to complaining about needing showers all of the time.

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  13. Kids today are growing up way faster than we did. I remember getting the "talk" at 12 years old. I would say if he brings it up again, sit down and have a talk with him the best you can. Open lines of communication should start young so when he gets older he will go to you about anything.

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  14. I wish there was some advice I could give you... my son is 11 and we've been pretty straight-forward with him to a certain extent. It's one of those things where you have to go with your gut and hope for the best. Good luck. Btw, I'm your newest follower thanks to By Word of Mouth Musings!!! :)

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  15. Since I have no idea what sex is, I have no way of giving you any advice. When you figure this all out, please fly to Michigan to explain it to my boys. I'll buy you wine. Lots of it.

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  16. Oh gosh, honestly, I guess I'd just give them the simplest version I could come up with.

    Or just say, "Uh, honey, would you like to answer that question" and turn it over to my husband.

    Any time my kids have a religious question, I always say, "Ask Daddy. He went to Catholic school".

    I dread the day I have to have the sex conversation with my kiddos. Absolutely dreading it!

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  17. This type of conversation always freaked me out. I have no advice. Those questions are passed off onto Dad in our house!

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  18. *covers ears* "LALALALALALA!!!"

    (I don't know! I don't know! Ahhhh!!!)

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  19. I don't know what the Ef to do! I'm waiting till you tell your kids and then doing what you do!
    Frig!

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  20. I have a 10 year old who I've never said the word sex to (and fortunately he's also never said it to me) and I am scared to pieces about having "the talk" with him because I know it is coming. Like the for real deal this-is-what-THAT-is-for talk. Gag. I told Dumb Dad that we need to do an intro course before next school year because they do that boys-in-one-room-girls-in-another health course and I don't want the child to pass out. Plus, I don't want him to be the only kid whose never heard of it before. Or worse, the one with all of the bad information! In your case I'd say that you should think about some things you might want to say should the situation present itself again, but I certainly wouldn't bring it up all on my own if I were you. Or, obviously, even though I'm me! Good luck!

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  21. My son who is 7 has been dancing around teh subject as well. Hethinks it is something funnny or forbidden. Not sure which one. But I wasn't planning to have this convo until the night before he got married. ;) But really JUST thinking about it make my tummy queasy. Let them discuss it on the playground. J/K!

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  22. I'm so glad my son is only 2, but I know my day is coming.

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  23. I've been through this with my girls, too, especially because we had a baby when the two older ones were old enough to ask details about how we made it. I always prefer to avoid these questions and give as few details as possible, but my husband is one of those who believes in really answering their questions honestly. With details. How crazy is that?

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  24. omg. hilarious post. i've read your blog a few times and it's so funny. don't worry when you have the birds and bees talk that will SILENCE them for a LONG time. ;o)

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  25. Loved your post, I'm a new reader (can't remember how I got here-sorry) but I've been through all of this. My two are 14 and 17 yrs now (note that I'm a single Mom to two BOYS) and no subject is off-limits. When they had the growth and development session in grade school for my older son (5th grade), the younger one overheard my prep session with the older son so we started early at my house. All I can say is give as much information as they ask about, start very simple and don't be embarrassed. Be proud that you can have open discussion about such private things. Better to hear the real information from you/father than all the false stuff my kids tell me they hear. BTW - my most recent "frank" discussion with my oldest son was about "blue balls" and now I'm not making it up. He has a girlfriend and was complaining about pain so I asked some more detailed questions and then had to explain that "condition"........when then lead to a discussion about whether "masturbation" would be helpful. Sigh........WOW! You all have much to look forward to!!!

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    1. Okay, evidently I can proof read while I'm typing.

      Corrections for above: "and NO I'm not making it up" and "WHICH then lead to a discussion"

      And I definitely wouldn't call the other mother, let it slide.

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  26. That he feels comfortable to come to you is something I wish for every child.

    I always wished I had a mother I could talk to about things like this.

    Always.

    Lucky boy.

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