Leave parenting advice in the comments section please. I need it desperately. But you already know this and have been holding back.
Ryan: "Mom. You're not going to belieeeeve this and you're going to think it's totally odd. We were looking at a 1980's dictionary and it actually had the word SEX in it." Verbatim.
WTF?!?!?!? Please say he didn't just say what I think he said. Must be a word that rhymes with 'sex'. Oh crap, not many words rhyme with 'sex.' Hex is the only one. Nex? Wex? Plex? MAYDAY MAYDAY!
Me: "OK, hold on. Now whaaaat happened???"
Ryan: "Joe* and I were in class and he was looking up a word in the dictionary and I just saw it. (*names have been changed to protect the child whose mother may be receiving a warning call from me later this morning)
Me: "Reeeally?" I said very suspiciously. "What word was Joe looking up then?"
Ryan: Dead silence..."I have no idea."
Me: "So you're telling me that of the tens of thousands of words in the dictionary, you just 'saw' that one?"
Then I got to thinking...Why did he point out that it was a "1980's" dictionary? How did he even know it was a 1980's dictionary? Did the feathered hair and legwarmers give it away?
And since I'm never one to just let dead dogs lie...because I'm the stoopidest mom in the world...
Me: "So why do you think that it's ODD that this word was in a 1980's dictionary?"
Ryan: "Because it's a new word. I've never heard you say that word EVER! So it has to be new."
The fact that I don't in fact say this word often is one that my husband will readily attest to.
I dropped it. I didn't need to be getting myself in over my head at this moment. I had three kids to which I still had to force-feed scrambled eggs.
So, my predicament: What do I do here? My fear is that now that he's aware of the WORD "sex" he's going to want to know about it. Should I prepare a few speaking points? Read a book?
Most importantly, do I call Joe's Mama and give her a heads-up? (get it? Joe's Mama? I crack myself up). My husband made an unprecedented good point: We don't want her to think that Ryan taught it to her kid so let's head this off at the pass.
It didn't even occur to me until later that he probably read the definition. I just looked it up on Dictionary.com. It's pretty boring until you get to the 4th definition which is "coitus."
I totally forgot how awesome the word "coitus" is. Nobody will EVER hear the word "sex" come out of my mouth again because from now on the unspeakable act will now be referred to as "coitus." I'm calling my husband now to let him know.
SO WHAT SHOULD I DO - Leave comments!
WTF?!?!? Coitus, coitus, coitus, coitus.