Monday, January 9, 2012

Things Florida People Do When It Gets Cold Out

All it right in the world again. We survived and I'm still alive to blog about it. Praise the Lord.

It is no longer freezing in Florida. No, not literally freezing. By my Floridian standards, anything below say...60 degrees is brrrr, bitter cold.

It was "cold" here in South Florida for five whole days. Five days IN A ROW!

And because we're all friends here, I'm going to let you in on an embarrassing little secret:  People who live in Florida don't know how to handle themselves when it gets cold. We get all in a tizzy. It's the end of the world. And we don't have appropriate shoes.

So I thought I'd make a list of things Florida people do when it gets cold for my northern friends: 

1. Talk about it - Due to the urgency of the issue I was standing in the driveway last Sunday afternoon anxiously waiting my husband to pull up. "We need to talk," I said very seriously. I think he assumed I was divorcing him. "It's supposed to go into the 30's tonight! I hear there's a frost warning for MIAMI! That never happens. Are our life insurance policies payed up? Do we need snow tires? We need a strategy. No time to waste." Some of this might be an exaggeration.

2. Break out our sweater - Yes, you read that right. "Sweater," singular. Unless you have lived in the north at some point in the last decade, you really have no need for more than one or two sweaters. Mine is a 2003 Old Navy pink cable knit number. We aren't guaranteed many days to wear them so we whip them out on Day 1 so we can get our money's worth. And then we gripe about not having enough warm clothes to wear the other four cold days. 

3. Panic about what the kids will wear - Some Florida kids have coats. Those kids also have cousins who live in the north and gave them a big bag of hand-me-downs. For the rest of us, we don't want to actually invest in coats, so we layer. Dress those kids in a long sleeve shirt and two sweatshirts, shove them out the door and hope for the best. OR in our case, just send them to school with a coat that is a size too small so it appears to the teacher that you're not a dead-beat parent. Also involved here is the readjusting of car seat straps to accommodate additional clothing bulk and arguing with them about why they aren't allowed to wear flip flops.  

4. Make a fire - Despite the fact that it is hotter than Hades here for the other 360 days of the year, some people in Florida still have fireplaces. My father has been known to make a fire as soon as it dips into the low 60's and enjoy the crackle of the logs while sitting in shorts and a t-shirt. We've got the fireplaces and we'd be damned if we're not going to use them. Same for fire pits. Same for my husband JakeRyan. Notice it's cold enough for a fire, but not to require the kids to put on shoes.

5. Post to Facebook about it - I think we do it to make sure our northern friends don't think we're a bunch of spoiled pansies. It's our "See, we can hang too" or our "Just because we live in Florida doesn't mean we're not gangsta" post. But statuses like "Brrrr..." and "Woo hoo, I can wear my UGGs now!" aren't helping the cause. P.S. Nobody in Florida should own UGGs (or anywhere for that matter.)

6. Take photos - ...and then post to Facebook. Yes, we get it. There's ice on your car. "Look! My child owns a coat..." It's cold weather AND a Kodak moment. 

7. Make your kids sleep in your room - OK, this is probably only the Suitcase Kids. Their rooms are in the front of the house and for some reason no amount of heat warms them up. Ironically, their tent is an igloo (or as Justin calls it, an "egg roll"). I can't bear the thought of them kicking out from under their covers and being cold. 

But as I said, all is right in the world again. The weather has gone back up into the 70's and we can go on with our lives. And do things like this again. 





24 comments:

  1. Look! There's green on those trees.

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  2. Don't knock Uggs until you are standing in over 5 feet of snow, in the freezing cold trying to get your car out of a snow bank and your feet come out completely warm and toasty and dry......Erica

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  3. I'm all the way up in North Carolina, and it does get a bit colder here, but it's so funny how people react to the weather. Everybody here got upset that it got cold last week (during, you know, winter) because we were having an unseasonably warm winter and everyone was used to it. Of course, my girls want it to be warm, but also want it to snow really, really bad.

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  4. Oh how I want to live in Florida! My girls can't standing wearing coats (a trait they got from me), hats and/or mittens. They much prefer shorts, skirts and flip flops. Glad you all are back up in the 70's. Send some of those warm temps to MD because I am sitting here typing with my fleece on ;-)

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  5. We were all relishing our 55 degree temps this weekend, breaking out the shorts and flip flops!

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  6. Wow I'm glad you survived such treacherous conditions. Thank you for making me feel so tough, as it is about 30 here.

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  7. And here I am, concerned because we haven't had snow this winter (yet?).

    I should really move to FL.

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  8. You all act like people in TX do when a snowflake falls from the sky--they go and stock up on bottled water and batteries. Even though we all know it's going to be 70 the next day. :) (I used to live in Minnesota.)

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  9. So funny! This is exactly like Texas! When it gets cold here, Texans love to post about it on Facebook, too. I also don't have many sweaters. Every time I say "it's freezing!", my husband loves to point out that it is not technically below 32 degrees or whatever. Same thing.

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  10. I know where I'm headed when the temps finally do get cold here in Reno.

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  11. Oh my goodness! You poor things!! And, I thought I was being spoiled for not having to turn our furnace on yet bc we have an EdenPure heater which keeps our house a toasty 67 degrees...wait, you probably don't know what those are. What's that? A furnace? You don't know what a furnace is?? Next time we get 6 or more in of snow, I'll fly you up to see! Seriously, glad you've overcome your crisis situation. Can you sense the sarcasm? :)

    ~Sincerely,

    Jenny Schweigert, the gal who's freezing her tail off in The Magic FarmHouse, even though she's clothed in layers, under a blanket, sitting on a heating pad wrapped in a couple blankets, wearing wool socks, has a back warmer on, is sitting with two dogs stuck to me like glue & my hood over my head! I really need to think about moving south.

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  12. Ok, really, truly, seriously this time...great post..as always, you made me laugh!!

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  13. Uggs are ugly horrible clogs that even teenagers should throw away.
    They get completely soaked and have no purpose.

    you only own one sweater?

    It's warm here and we haven't been bundling up... and it's 5 degrees

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  14. As a Florida girl now living an Alaska, I can vouche for all of these! It's just as crazy up here. If it's 60 it's HOT! Today it never got above 5 and my 15-year-old wore shorts and a sweatshirt to school. No coat, no gloves, no hat. He's 15 and 6 inches taller than me. I provide the gear, but I can't make him wear it. All of his idiot friends dress the same way. Dumb!

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  15. OK, I own Uggs, fur and a fireplace!
    My youngest thought it was Winter last week, so wore furry boots for 5 days straight - we put extra quilts on the beds, turned on the heat and made hot chocolate ;)

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  16. Oh you poor thing, how did you get that ice off the windshield without the proper tools?

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  17. This is too funny. I grew up in AZ so I totally relate!

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  18. That is so funny! We aren't quite as bad here... unless there's snow.

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  19. You and all the Florida peeps absolutely hilarious! I think I need to fly you up here to Michigan for a weekend for some winter survival skills.

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  20. Ha ha this is too funny! One sweater...I'm impressed! Must help save room in the closet for sure!

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  21. Girl I hear you. I have a handful of sweaters and a couple jackets, after all I do live in North Florida. But when we went to West Virginia we were so cold the whole time and I almost died. We were bundled up in heavy coats, glvoes, scarves, etc. and saw some peopel out and about in shorts. SHORTS. at 40 degrees! How their legs didn't freeze the eff off, I'll never know.

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  22. I got to witness this first hand as we were in Florida during your cold streak. Gotta admit, it was cool but it did make for much shorter lines at Busch Garden on the Tuesday so I am not really going to complain . . . plus it was well below freezing here at home so 7 was down right balmy!
    Jenn

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  23. So I'm a Floridian who now lives in Southeast Asia (where it's still as hot but without "cold snap" days). This post cracked me up! Mostly because my husband and I left one sweater each at home with my parents when we first moved overseas...mine? A pink cableknit sweater from Old Navy!!! Do they ever go out of style? Probably not. At least no one in Florida would be able to tell or not. I love the fireplace day every year and feel sorry for the bats, swiftlets, and other creatures who are very confused each year on the fireplace day. Also, sometimes Floridians don't have coats because their kids wear them to school in the morning when it's "freezing" and shed them by lunch time when the sun comes out (bc it ALWAYS does, even on cold days, right?) and then forget them at school, the playground, or the bus.

    Thanks for this homey reminder!
    anthonyandsharon.blogspot.com

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    1. Clearly Sharon, you know what you're talking about. The part about shedding them at lunch: Right on the money. I'm missing two size 3T sweatshirts right now. If they turn up there in SE Asia, let me know.

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