Warning Parents: Please do not make the same reckless mistake I made - Like the lazy, heathen mom I am, I allowed my son to read a toy catalog. Gasp!
Yes, I know, it sounds harmless enough. I've done it dozens of times. However, this last one might have ruined Christmas forever. Yes, I'm being way overly dramatic, but I'm pissed at a stupid toy company. A toy company with a sloppy marketing team.
Last week, a catalog came in the mail from a toy catalog company that I'm not naming (although this post has already published, I'm now thinking better of it). Now, I've never even heard of this company, but after flipping through the catalog for a few seconds, I noticed that it had some really wonderful, unique and educational toys. Note: I did not read it cover-to-cover. Awesome! I'm always looking for non-crap gifts to get the kids because they have way too much stuff as it is.
This thought literally went through my mind: "I love this catalog. I plan to buy every single present from it." No joke.
So what did I do? I tossed the catalog over to Ryan, an 8-year-old who believes in ALL the magic of Christmas. But recently, he's been asking some logical questions thanks to the jackball 5th graders on the bus.
"Here Ryan! Look at this. Start thinking about what you want to ask Santa for." Remember when we were kids how exciting it was when the Sears catalog with all the toys in it came before Christmas? How we'd sit there with a marker circling all of the stuff we wanted? Why wouldn't I give a toy catalog to him?
Two minutes later my husband walks in and says "I had to throw away that catalog that you gave Ryan."
What??? The coolest toy catalog ever? The one with science toys in it? You damn Grinch.
"Yes, he was reading about how the Elf on the Shelf is $39. I took it from him, but I'm pretty sure he saw it."
I grabbed it out of the recycle bin, sure enough, there on page 20 was the white version of our ethnic Elf (a story for another time) with the low, low price of $39. I tore out the offending page, but kept the catalog...so I can write this blog post (and still get gift ideas.)
OK Catalog Company - WTF is wrong with you??? Did it not occur to you that your TOY CATALOG might fall into the hands of a child? Perhaps one of the millions of children who already have an Elf on the Shelf?
Yes, I have also avoided certain book stores at Christmas because I know they sell elves that look similar to our very real Elf sent from Santa.
And I know what you're thinking: You have to sell these things somehow, right? Well, that certainly is a bit of a dilemma with you and me on polar opposite ends of the opinion spectrum on this one.
It does not sit well with me, Catalog Company, that my son has now seen your suggestion of "Starting a Family Tradition" by purchasing a $39 stuffed elf in a box that comes with the same book our family has - an elf that clearly the parents have to buy. An elf that is in a catalog in which (as far as I can tell) every single other item is a TOY. Sure, you can blame me for not noticing the one non-toy, Christmas deal-breaker if you want. It would have been like finding a needle in a haystack.
My son saw this. My son found the needle in your catalog of a haystack. My son is not stupid. You are. And thanks for putting yet another doubt into the mind of a smart kid. Yes, I had already considered this might be our last year with this him still enjoying all the magic of Christmas like he has since he was little. Add this to his list of proof points.
You're just as bad as a 5th grader on the bus.
I hope you sell a lot of Elves.