Wednesday, September 14, 2011

WTF Wednesday - The "Annoying Airplane People" Edition

It's WTF Wednesday again and this week I'm coming to you from beautiful Dayton, Ohio.

On Sunday, I had to fly. Yes, I flew on September 11. I was OK with it. It was just weird. I'm in Dayton for new-hire training which is kind of fun since I've been re-hired to do essentially, a variation of my OLD job. Maybe I'll do it right the second time.

So anyway, for WTF Wednesday, I'm writing about the people I encountered in my travels on Sunday that deserved a punch in the gut if not a hearty WTF from the grumpy mom who was leaving her three innocent children in the hands of their sweet, yet sometimes incompetent father.

- Punchee #1 - Sexy Girl - In the security line at home I noticed her. It was kinda hard NOT to notice an adult woman in a florescent pink t-shirt with the word "SEXY" written on it. Not only this, it also had the bottom and  the neck cut off and was hanging off her shoulder a la Flashdance. No, you maniac (Flashdance reference) that shirt is not sexy and either are you in the leggings. A classic case of false advertising.

- Punchee #2 - Flight Status Lady - During my layover in Atlanta, I was sitting at the gate listening to President Obama speak. It was completely surreal to be sitting with a bunch of strangers in an airport listening to the leader of the free world talk about planes crashing. Soon the football game came on and there was a very patriotic dedication at the beginning with Lady Antebellum singing the national anthem. "THE MONITOR SAID OUR FLIGHT IS ON TIME!!!" Oh my gosh. This place is practically silent. There are people with tears in their eyes having a very moving moment when this assclown decides that it's appropriate to..."NO THEY AREN'T MOVING GATES"...scream over the crowd from the desk to her party sitting next to me..."LET'S GO GET A SNACK"... that although there is no plane at the gate we're still on time. Glad to hear it.

- Punchee #3 - Mr. Booze Breath - Listen people. I am a business person. I get why airports have bars. However, I am completely disgusted by people who get on a plane reeking of alcohol. I smelled you, Mr. Booze Breath, literally the second I sat down. I was thrilled when you took out a cough drop and fell asleep. You must have got my subtle hint of me covering my nose with my hand very deliberately. So to teach you a lesson, I'm going to take a picture of your hands, bright blue shorts and oh-so-sexy knees and post it to my world-famous blog. Try that on for size.

- Punchee #4 - The Linguist - This is my absolute favorite. Before we took off there was a quiet moment where I overheard the following conversation: "Alright Bro. I'm on the plane Bro. I'll call you when I get to Dayton Bro. Love you Bro." This is an actual quote. I know because I wrote it down. If you lost count, he used "Bro" FOUR times. That is a new World's Record. Call Guinness!

I saw him again when we landed. He had a tattoo that said none other than....."Dayton" of course! He literally had a tattoo that said "Dayton". You thought I was gonna say "Bro", didn't you? Gotcha! Not that Bro would have been any less ridiculous than permanently inking the name of one a Midwestern city on your forearm. WTF?

Honorable mention: I'm kind of on the fence about this one. The flight attendant was so pleasant when she handed me my orange juice and said "Enjoy!" Aww. How nice. She's so sweet. The way she wanted me to enjoy my beverage. It's so refreshing to see someone taking pride in her job even at this late hour at night. And then a guy behind me ordered coffee. "Enjoy!" The kid who ordered Sprite. "Enjoy!" Bloody Mary mix Man. "Enjoy!" Gasp! She's an "Enjoy WHORE!." And then someone ordered a Coke Zero. No "Enjoy." Because obviously, Coke Zero is not nearly as enjoyable as a regular Coke. She couldn't fake it. No "Enjoy" for you.



  1. I would punch everyone except the flight attendant. She's right, Coke Zero does not get an enjoy! Maybe the diet coke?

  2. I'd like to add the following to the list of annoying airplane people (yes I need help and fly too much):
    - grown men in athletic shorts (close second, wife beater), unless you're on Southwest, then it's expected
    - food complainers, come on, you're on an airplane, eat the crappy sandwich and get over it
    - people who bring fast food on the plane and stink up the place
    - farters (PBI-LGA, winter, is the worst route for this)
    - seemingly able bodied women who stare at the open luggage bin, holding their bag waiting for someone to lift the bag
    - people who put their bag in the luggage bin not over to their seat
    - guy who gets on 1 min before the flight leaves and cannot believe there is no room for their bag
    - guy who sneaks cell phone web surfing/texting during takeoff, dude - take a break

  3. Omg this is awesome. I'll be flying in a couple of weeks. I wonder if I could possibly be all the people you listed at once, Bro?

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  5. Your "Honorable mention" section is one of the funniest things I have read all day! Any you know me, I read a LOT of things on the Internet! Well done and notes taken... No beers at the airport bar! :)

  6. I am seriously going to have to pay more attention to people and things going on around me when I'm at the airport next!

    The 'Bro' guy... he would have gotten a look from me! Annoying!

  7. Oh the people watching you can do while flying. It always makes me wonder how do these people survive every day life acting like that? A mystery I tell you...

  8. Airplane etiquette is sorely lacking. Sexy lady is crazy--I don't get why people have to go around in public like that. Gross. Booze Breath is always on every flight. It never fails.

  9. Sexy Lady deserved a throat punch. So did Mr. Booze Breath. I think the other guy needed to lay off of the Jersey Shore episodes, Bro. ;)

  10. OH MAN! I'm getting on a plane next month. I wonder what my eyes will see. Maybe Sexy Lady had a sister? There is always a Mr Booze Breath on flights...why IS that?

  11. She might have been an Enjoy Whore, but she was no liar. No one could enjoy Coke Zero.

  12. Ok, Booze Breath's knees are totally freaking me out. And WTF is up with the color of his shorts???? Yew!

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

  13. Hahaha!! I do NOT like "enjoy whores"! Or people that get on the plane smelling like alcohol. Or ladies that wear stupid shirts...

  14. Cracking up at the enjoy whore!

  15. I'm new to your blog (love it), I live in Dayton, OH (don't love it, can't wait to sell, sorry), I've asked friends to read this entry and report back if they know the Bro - and to punch him.