Monday, September 26, 2011

I'm Not Deceased (That's a Fancy Word for Dead)

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

Hi, this is Ali. I can't take your call right now because it's MY birthday and I'm going on a cruise. Eat your heart out!!!

Please leave your name and number...no wait...

If you're calling to make sure I'm still alive (Meredith) you haven't heard from me because I've been cutting out tissue paper pom-poms for Nat's Fancy Nancy birthday soiree (Fancy Nancy would tell you that's a fancy word for party), visiting craft stores in two different states, making every thing I've ever found on Pinterest, buying real china teacups from Goodwill (only the best for my girl and her classmates), decorating the house with feather boas, making a dress-up wardrobe consisting of 12, count 'em 12 tutus & six princess dresses and making my own frilly toothpicks (because as Fancy Nancy says, everything tastes better with frilly toothpicks and I'm a freaking lunatic who seems to think she's got too much time on her hands)...for a bunch of 5-year-olds.  Oh yeah, and I started a new job.

Please leave your name and number and I'll call you back...not done yet...

I'll probably never call you back, EVER, because as soon as I return from my trip I'll still be cleaning up feather remnants and sitting on my couch admiring the amazing tissue paper pom poms that were hung with love from fishing wire from my ceiling. I'll be taking volunteers for suitcase unpacking and laundry washing.

Because after all...I'm a fancy girl now that I threw this Fancy Nancy soiree. Fancy girls do not have to do laundry. What? Don't believe I'm suddenly fancy? Would a non-fancy Mom ever wear this little piece of Jessica McClintock prom contour?




Why yes, that is a giant pink slut shoe. Don't make like you don't have one of those in your house.

Blog post to follow. I just have to get my feces (that's a fancy word for shit) together.

BEEP!!!

20 comments:

  1. I need one of those shoes. And those crowns.

    You are a very fancy mother. I think my oldest would like to come live with you.

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  2. Love your writing. Soo funny! But, this is where i will be in 3 years with my little abby.. I will be begging for your pin board and asking for how to's. Look forward to your next post!

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  3. Love the post, love the dress, love the giant shoe :)

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  4. I think I need that chair for my house!

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  5. The dress is definitely much better with the pink tiara and now I'm totally jealous of that shoe chair.

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  6. Give me that dress. Don't make me come over there and take it.

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  7. You not only create "Fancy Soirees,"...you
    dress for "Fancy Soirees!" You are like the coolest mom...EVER!!

    OpinionsToGo

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  8. Ha ha I want a Fancy Nancy Soirees now! Can't wait to see the pics! :)

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  9. That dress is adorable!

    Also, Happy Birthday Ali!

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  10. Get your feces together? Jaysus woman. Such a way with words.

    Happy day you flew out of your mom's vag.

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  11. This post made me *snort*! Love the idea of a Fancy Nancy party! You look absolutely adorable!!

    Happy Birthday! I hope you had a FAB-U-LOUS time on you excursion. That's fancy for riding on a big boat.

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  12. Hee! Go you! And Fancy Nancy and oh my that shoe, too!

    Happy birthday-cruise-Jessica McClintock number!

    One more time: Go you!!

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  13. Love the dress and the crown!

    Hope that you have a great birthday cruise!!

    Geeshh... all I did was go see Lion King 3D for my birthday.

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  14. OK, so wait... is it actually YOUR birthday?

    You know what? Never mind... you're sitting on a giant pink slut shoe, so nothing else matters.

    I'm so confused.

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  15. You can come plan Donut's 1st birthday party.

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  16. So, we're celebrating you on the day your Mom did all the work? Seems unfair.

    Also seems unfair that you should be throwing a fancy party for Nat....she should be throwing a party for you. Thanks, Mom, for pushing me out, now where are my china teacups??

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  17. Wow! You do have a lot going on! We love Fancy Nancy here too...what a great birthday party idea :)

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  18. You look fan-freaking-tastic. Really.

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  19. I need to know why this isn't your twitter avi!

    Also?
    You don't know it yet but you're going to leave you suitcase at home!

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  20. I love Fancy Nancy. Good thing since I read her books way too much. What a lovely dress, very fancy.

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