Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Lesson I Learned About Photos of Skanks

Last week I walked into the family room to see my 4-year-old daughter concentrating very seriously on the latest issue of Glamour which I'd left laying on the counter. She does this all the time. She loves looking at pictures of fancy ladies, jewelry, makeup and her fantastically wonderful new discovery: magazine perfume samples. She critiques my fashion choices for heaven's sake!

I grabbed my camera, took this shot and quickly ran in and posted it to Facebook for all our friends and family to laugh at my misery. No one was surprised as she's quite the little fashionista. We are all well aware that this child can pull off any look no matter how gaudy and wacky and this is what we loooovvve about her. She's the Rachel Zoe of the preschool set.

I got back to my tweeting. Two minutes later she walked in with a disgusted look on her face and showed me what she'd found. Appropriately, this month's Dos and Don'ts section was "100 All-Time Best Summer Dos and Don'ts." She took a particular interest in these two lovely young ladies below. They must be best friends seeing as they have their hands all over each other. Yay for friendship!


Again I grabbed my camera...and then grabbed the magazine away from her.

I've been a parent for almost eight years and this is the first time I've ever thought that maybe I should be more careful with what magazines I leave around. How did I never think of this? Geez! It's a stinkin' Glamour magazine. It's not like a Hustler. I have magazines all over the house.

Yet another little lesson. Who'd have thunk it? It doesn't naturally occur to me that there is inappropriate content in Glamour or Redbook. I get a laugh out of skanky chicks in thongs (and revel in the fact that I'm not a "Don't"). And as for the other more saucy stuff...I've been married 10 years and I pretty much skip right over the 'how to spice up your love life' section. If I haven't done it by now, I'm not gonna start because an article got me to thinkin'. Same for all that inspirational "be the best YOU' drivel in Woman's Day, etc. I don't have time for inspiration...

Oh well, no harm, no foul. Then I realized. HOLY CRAP, THE BIG ONE CAN READ! Thank goodness he has no interest in women's fashion magazines and hasn't ever picked up one of the dozens that I have laying around. However if he'd perused this particular issue he'd have learned the following useful little tidbits:
  • A summer "don't" is the "Boob-Grab."
  • 21% of men polled suck in their stomach the first time a woman sees them naked.
  • A particular gentleman who consented to having his photo taken and offered his name to Glamour is "ticklish around his thighs." Good to know.
  • On a first date, don't worry about whether or not he's "trying to get into your pants." 
  • And the worst, right there on the COVER: "How Sex Really Feels..."
Yep, once again, I'm living up to my two most favorite titles: "Mother of the Year" and "Really Awful Housekeeper." 

16 comments:

  1. Oh dear, I haven't even considered stuff like that (magazines etc)! Crap!

    And it's not you, it's the darn magazines.

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  2. The world changes when you children learn how to read.

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  3. Eeeeek! I don't get magazines on a regular basis, but when I ordered from swimsuit from VictoriasSecret, my 4 yr old son saw the magazine that came with it and asked why those ladies were "nekkid".

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  4. That is too funny! Luckily I have a while before my son can read!

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  5. I'm constantly surprised at the stuff I realize we are immune to until our kids find it. EEEK!

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  6. "21% of men polled suck in their stomach the first time a woman sees them naked."

    Would you guess that 100% of women do this? I think so!

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  7. OMG So funny. The good magazines are always bad somehow. boo.

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  8. Oy. Yeah, not so much your fault as the dang magazine's. Thinking they need to reevaluate their purpose!

    (Blogger is being lame and won't sign me into my account. So I'm not really "anonymous". I'm Just Jennifer at http://jah-justjennifer.blogspot.com/.)

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  9. The magazine seems to be censoring the wrong part of those women.

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  10. It's not just magazines. It's TV, internet, heck, teenagers at the mall. These mags get skankier and skankier all the time (skankier is totally a word, btw).

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  11. I mean, it's not for little eyes but that definitely is a summer don't in that picture. ;) Yah, I'm going to have to hide everything once the kids can read.

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  12. I'm just now realizing all this as well. I'm kind of bummed to have to be the propriety police though.

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  13. Hilarious! She's adorable! And she'll know all the dos and donts of fashion before she can multiply! Handy! Keep the magazines around, you know, in case you don't have time to read it, she can catch you up!

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  14. I never thought twice about my magazines laying around...And my oldest is 11. Oops!

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  15. BWAHAHAHA!! Ohhhhh boy. *chuckling* this is great. thanks for sharing... I'm going to remember this when Goose is a little older and I'm thinking about subscribing to something other than Parenting magazines ;)

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  16. But she's SO interested in the article!!

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