Thursday, May 26, 2011

My Oprah Glass is Half Empty And I Never Knew It

I don't believe I'm about to say this: I'm not going to miss Oprah now that her show isn't on.

WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME! I didn't even realize this until just now!

In fact, until I thought up this little ditty of a post I never really gave much thought to the fact that I (gasp) don't particularly love Oprah.

Admittedly, I haven't watched her that much. The fact is, I've always been working (or in school) when her show is on. Simple as that.

However, I did go on maternity leave 3 times...and might have caught a few dozen Oprah episodes. So after 25 years, here is what I know about Oprah, and a nugget or two that I learned from her show - right off the top of my head.
  • Oprah gave a lot of money to charity and built a girl's school in Africa. I'm getting that out of the way now. I know she's been an inspiration to millions of people. She is rather awesome. 
  • Oprah has very big diamond earrings. They are bigger than my eyeballs. Can't-stop-staring-at-the-earrings.
  • She also has a "va-jay-jay." And so does my daughter thanks to learning that colloquialism from a schoolmate evidently. 
  • I don't remember much, but I do remember the Dr. Oz belly fat segment. Thank God for purple plastic gloves. 
  • Oprah changes her sheets every day. She said this on an episode about saving the environment when the guest suggested than people don't need to wash their sheets more than once a week. I thought this was completely obnoxious to the point that it really pissed me off because you knoooowww that woman doesn't change her own sheets or most likely pee the bed. 
  • Oprah loves dogs. I love dogs. But her dogs are fussy little spaniel dogs. And I bet you $100 she's never scooped the poop. Oprah? Do you scoop your own poop? Feel free to leave your reply in the comments section Oprah. 
  • I was sick a few months ago and she had some family on that was BFFs with Michael Jackson. They had photos of him in pajama pants and a sports coat. Thank you Oprah for solidifying my belief that MJ was a nut job.
  • I heard once that her parents really meant to name her "ORPAH" (rhymes with Orca) but there was a typo on her birth certificate. And now in my head I subconsciously think of her as "Orpa." I can't help it. Also, I've never Googled this tidbit so I could totally be quoting a bunch of crap. Either way, both of those names suck. 
  • I accidentally stole an Oprah magazine from my sister-in-law a few months ago. It's sitting in our bathroom...I think Ryan reads it. Oprah is on the cover wearing sandals and her toes are all jacked up. Oprah needs to fire her stylist. 
  • Oprah gives away a lot of stuff to audience members. Seriously, she gives away too much stuff to all the people at ONE show. You think maybe some other audience members might have liked some free Oprah swag??? This is excessive and totally drives me nuts because I always root for the little guys. 
  • A bunch of cattle farmers sued her once. I have no idea who won. 
  • I think Oprah's editors are personally responsible for Tom Cruise's demise.
  • Dr. Phil & Dr.Oz. Both are completely wacky, but surprisingly fun to watch. I'd like to see the two of them in a cage match. 
  • Gail has a good thing going. Talk about hitching yourself to the right wagon. Did you ever see the episodes with the road trip? Me either, but the commercial looked funny. 
But honestly, there is ONE THING that I learned on Oprah that I have incorporated into my own life. I have always said is the best statistic I've ever heard. It's from 2006 (when I was on maternity leave)

Americans use 6 paper napkins per person a day. If we each cut down by just one napkin a day we'd save 1,000,000,000 (yes, that's one billion) pounds of paper waste a year. (from Elizabeth Rogers, author and mom who cares about the environment)

Now we use cloth napkins And I dugggg through Oprah's website to find it for you: Here's the Show With The Napkin Stat

The stat isn't on this link, but it's got a lot of good info so I thought I'd share it: Other Good Stuff from the Oprah Site

OK, who hates me?


  1. Not me!

    I had no idea about all these things on Oprah.

    Thanks for the education.

  2. Not me either! I very rarely watched Oprah and will not miss her show. Hee hee ...

  3. I was never really into Oprah but I'll say this: my SMIL signed me up for her magazine and I was irritated that it was basically 200 pages of advertisement.

    But, you know, charitable works are good.

  4. I will not miss her one bit. So maybe she's charismatic sometimes and intriguing to watch. She's also completely self-righteous. And yes, obnoxious! It's a good thing she's done some good things with her bagillions of dollars. :)

  5. "A bunch of cattle farmers sued her once. I have no idea who won."

    I remember that!!! They sued her because she said something about red meat being unhealthy. Or someone on her show said it was unhealthy. Or something like that.

    Anyway, Oprah won. The jurors ultimately rejected the defamation lawsuit by the cattlemen.

  6. I don't hate you one bit! Over the years I'd record a specific episode of Oprah if I'd heard about it in advance and wanted to watch it. But that only happened a couple times a year. Frankly, I work all day and I need to see my dramas and comedies at night, and don't have more than an hour or two to watch TV. Not a lot of time for Oprah. 25 years is a LONG time to have the same job, I don't blame her for being ready for a change. Stopping by from Let's Bee Friends hop!

  7. Lol...I loved this post! You made me chuckle quite a few times. I'm not really going to miss her either, I watched her about as much as you & even turned off her last episode because I was bored. Ooops.

  8. I just learned so much about Oprah! Too bad she's off the air now! That picture you chose is hilarious!

  9. What's funny is I watch her on & off too (mainly when I'm on summer break) and I was all choked up all week at the end of her show. I don't get it! I think the realization that I'll never get to sit in the audience for her "favorite things" episode. Love the Tom Cruise demise reference. ;)

  10. I've never really watched Oprah but I would agree that she was responsible for Tom Cruise's demise or at least played a large part in it and there is no way she changes her own sheets.